What is the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy?

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is another model Erin often draws from in her therapy approach.

General Overview

Gottman Method Couples Therapy, founded by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, offers a practical and research-based approach to strengthening relationships. At its core, the Gottman Method focuses on helping couples understand and improve their communication, manage conflict constructively, and nurture their friendship and intimacy.

One of the key concepts in the Gottman Method is the idea of "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," which are patterns of negative communication that can harm relationships if left unchecked. These include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. By identifying and addressing these destructive behaviors, couples can create a more positive and supportive environment for their relationship to thrive.Another central aspect of the Gottman Method is the concept of the "Sound Relationship House," which represents the essential components of a healthy relationship.

In therapy sessions, couples learn practical skills and techniques to improve their relationship across these areas. They may engage in exercises to deepen their understanding of each other, express appreciation for their partner, and practice effective communication and conflict resolution strategies. Couples also learn to strengthen their emotional connection and build intimacy through shared experiences and rituals.

A hallmark of the Gottman Method is its emphasis on research and evidence-based interventions. The Gottmans have conducted extensive research on what makes relationships succeed or fail, allowing therapists to tailor interventions based on empirical evidence and proven outcomes.

How will we see Gottman Method concepts in our work with Erin?

Erin primarily draws from interventions aimed at strengthening the Sound Relationship House or at addressing The Four Horsemen.

the "Sound Relationship House"

1. Building Love Maps:

   • Share significant life events and dreams with each other.

   • Engage in regular conversations to deepen understanding of each other's inner world.

   • Practice active listening and empathy when discussing personal experiences and feelings.

2. Sharing Fondness and Admiration:

   • Express appreciation for each other's positive qualities and actions.

   • Recall fond memories and moments of affection shared in the relationship.

   • Make a habit of expressing admiration and gratitude on a daily basis.

3. Turning Towards Each Other:

   • Respond positively to bids for attention, affection, and connection.

   • Practice small acts of kindness and affection throughout the day.

   • Engage in shared activities and hobbies that foster connection and togetherness.

4. Nurturing Rituals of Connection:

   • Establish regular routines and rituals that signify connection and closeness (e.g., morning coffee together, weekly date nights).

   • Create traditions and rituals that hold personal meaning for the relationship (e.g., annual vacations, anniversary celebrations).

   • Make time for intentional, uninterrupted conversations to reconnect and check in with each other.

5. Managing Conflict Constructively:

   • Replace destructive habits with healthy communication techniques, like expressing needs clearly and listening with empathy.

   • Use repair attempts to de-escalate conflicts before they spiral out of control.

   • Learn to manage perpetual conflicts (ongoing disagreements that may never fully be resolved) with compromise and understanding.

   • Take regular breaks during conflict discussions to prevent escalation and allow for emotional regulation.

6. Creating Shared Meaning:

   • Explore and identify shared values, goals, and aspirations.

   • Collaborate on creating a shared vision for the future of the relationship.

   • Engage in activities that foster a sense of meaning and purpose together, such as volunteering or pursuing shared hobbies.

7. Establishing Trust and Commitment:

   • Be reliable and consistent in meeting commitments and obligations.

   • Practice transparency and honesty in communication.

   • Demonstrate loyalty and support for each other, especially during challenging times.